You guys, Moana is my life (and not by choice). I can't remember the last time I did not watch Moana on a daily basis. When's the last time I watched a movie of my own choice? or slept through the night? Oh, motherhood... but I digress. This post isn't really about Moana but something Moana's dad says and when parents think they know their child and what is best for them.
Moana's dad, Chief Tui of Montunui, tells Moana what her role is (the next chief) and at one point while she's in "training", he tells Moana "This suits you." Then, after her long journey sailing across the sea and returning the heart back to Te Fiti, he welcomes her back and says "It suits you." This bothered me a lot. Like, choose one chief. Which one suits her best?!
I know it's a movie, a children's movie at that, so I don't think it was meant to be anything significant or profound but it bothered me so much. And it almost breaks my heart to think and know that we as parents think we know our child the best and what's best for them... but we don't. Moana's dad thought she was fit to be the next chief, without going beyond the reef. Moana went against his wishes and basically ran away from home. She was able to fulfill her true calling before fulfilling her duty as the next chief. Her sailing across the sea and returning "suits" her.
Janie is turning one in five days. Can you imagine what an emotional wreck I have been trying to fathom the fact that her infant stage is all over and she's now (becoming) a toddler? I can't. Where has the time gone? And not only does that already make me sad but realizing the fact that what I know about and of Janie right now, at this moment, is only a little glimpse of who she is and will be. There will be so much more about her that I don't know and quite possibly I won't know because she will hide/keep secrets from me too (just like I did/do with my own mom). Maybe this is the control freak side of me that don't want to let go of my baby. Yet, I wish I knew everything about her already so that I can prepare myself for the future. Time is going by so fast and I already miss her. What a trip parenthood is. Actually, not just parenthood but what a trip being a creature of pattern- this circle of life. This cycle of wanting nothing but your mom's attention, admiring her and wanting to be just like her, to not wanting to be associated with her and not wanting to be friends with her, and then wanting to become friends with her, and finally you becoming your own mom. But you realize (as an adult) that you don't know your mom as much as you thought you did. And as you're getting to know your mom as someone beyond just your "mom", she's also aging and forever isn't really forever..
So I guess what I'm trying to say and do is that time in this moment is always fleeting. I need to live in the moment and not get overworked by the fact that the future is so unknown. I have to appreciate what I have right now. And right now, I have a sweet little old infant who is curious, silly, and brightens everyone's day with her killer smile. I'm so happy to be her mom and to know that we as a family, have done well raising her this past year. Happy early birthday Janie.